It's odd that parts of life seem to go in cycles no matter how horrific the cycle. When I think of what my future looks like, I tend to view it as linear. Life seems like a path that presents itself in further detail after each step. You may turn your head to see where you've been, but you can never go back to where you were. However this imagery always moves you forward.
Lately, it seems that parts if me have moved forward, other parts have stayed the same, and the rest is too busy looking back that I have no idea where I'm headed. Now, all of a sudden, the path not only has hills, mountains, and valleys...but parts of me are re-entering the exact same path I have already taken, while other parts of me are embarking on new adventures. Life is no longer a simple linear path, but a complicated weaved assortments of successes and failures. Each of which should be able to move us forward.
But "forward" is hard in some instances. It means I have to let go. Pride, fear, and regret each fuel many of my desires and greatly hinder them all at the same time. In the end, there are areas of my life where I do not live in the freedom of Christ's redemption.
Assuming that a "path" is too simple of an analogy; What is the course God has set for me? Why do I feel like I'm railing against it? Why do I feel like Jephthah more often than I feel like Joshua(the biblical character...not me)? Why do I feel like my soul is being churned over and over again and I can't define it's direction. It's like watching a wrestling match with no sound, no lights, and no idea who should win.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
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